Is this really it?

Our sleeping situation hasn't changed, we still get up every one to two hours every single night. I spend more time in Omar's bed then I do in mine and it is making me very frustrated!

A couple of months ago I decided to stop nursing him. It wasn't like he was constantly having it, just before bed time he would have some and it would bring him to dreamland. With the stress in our lives and the switch to his own room I had given in again. Just so he could settle. But honestly, I think this is the problem of him waking up. Besides the fact that I am not there next to him when he does wake up, he more than ever wants to nurse at night, every single time he wakes up. I don't know if it is his way of getting me into his bed and I stay there so he has me to cuddle with or what. I know he is not hungry as he only takes one or two sips at most, it must be the closeness.

He has always been a very affectionate child, the doctor said on our last visit that it is his character which is fine with me but this whole sleeping thing is totally affecting my life! I am so on the edge all day long, I just can't function. I am also extremely forgetful, I can't even make it to a friends house without getting lost.

So to make a long story short, last night was the last straw. I am done. I can't do it anymore. Omar has had enough time to get used to his room and his bed and it is time to pull the plug, or for this case the breast.

The previous time when we decided to end it it was more for others than it was for me. It didn't bother me he was still nursing. It was only at night, he was in my bed, I got more sleep then too, but the pressure of the outside made me feel ashamed about it and stressed out. It was hard then, but it seems harder now. Harder for him as he can voice his opinion on the matter. It kills me to see him crying like this, begging for a tiny bit of milk. One moment I think, no, I am staying firm, I need sleep, this is better for all of us, so I can be a normal person again. Then the other moment I think, what the hell am I doing to this child? Will I scar him emotionally for life? Does he think I don't love him anymore? Am I crazy to let him cry like this?

He did finally fall asleep on my bed, hugging my pajama top. Now it is really up to me. Can I do this? What will happen tonight, will I be able to stay strong after my third trip to his bed room wishing for a little sleep?
I am hoping and praying I can, I hope God will help me with this to make it easier on both of us.

It can only get better right?